Today, I change the way I select my relationships.
I used to hold on to friendships based on how long we’ve known each other for. I hung on so hard when things were no longer working, and I’d let myself feel disappointed when friends didn’t make effort to maintain the closeness. “Perhaps I’m just less of a priority” – which was probably true.
I figured as much – we choose for ourselves who want to hang out with depending on how comfortable we can reveal about ourselves are around them, and secondly, what our life values are and what is important to us.
It’s hard to put 2 strangers with no strong, common topic – e.g. a bookworm and an avid soccer player together. They will run out of topics to talk about very quickly. In Vietnam, our common topic was about the country – even though we couldn’t understand each other 100% of the time, the locals were very enthusiastic about sharing their home with us and showed us so much more hospitality than we could ever expect. They talked to us even after we are home and asked how we are doing.
And rewinding back to the last ‘marriage’ episode, I had some friends whom I regarded as ‘people who knew me’… they actually didn’t bother to read my suspicious story or consider whether I’d want to get married at this point in my life… In the first line I said “I was getting married. Out of peer pressure.” and they didn’t bother to take 3 mins to question the authenticity of the post.. but simply wrote “CONGRATS!” It’s kinda disturbing, or was I expecting too much — shouldn’t have hoped that they will give me some ‘warning’ about such a major life decision.
At the end of the day, we all just care about leading our own lives. We all have different life goals, and that’s OK. People come and go in our lives, we cross paths because we were walking the same direction – then we move on to pursue other things in different directions, so we drift away. It’d be nice to believe that someday our paths may meet again, but I no longer harbour such hopes. If it happens, it happens 🙂