Day 9 of ‪#‎50DaysofChange‬

Today, I managed to fit into an old, favourite dress again. Something that I kept aside for five years and refused to get rid of… because it was an expensive purchase 💸 for me last time, and I always harboured the thought “I will lose weight one day and wear it again”

Six years ago, my weight was <50kg. Every year that I worked, I put on extra burden of an additional kg. Work pressure and frustration triggers me to de-stress by binge eating. 🐷 At my heaviest I was probably about 57kg. I had associated my self-worth with career success, the money I made vs how much my peers made, and my startup’s achievements and failures. When all these did not go well, I let myself spiral downward along with it. 😩 Junk food made me feel slightly better, but.. much worse when I looked at myself in the mirror.

I remember that anger when I was unable to fit into the dress that I had wanted to wear at my sister’s wedding. There was no “better angle” because I thought I looked so bad in every angle – I didn’t need a better angle, I needed to change ME.

I wanted to lose weight so badly. I thought I could eat normal & just do exercise that build more muscle 💪 so I can ‘burn more fats’. Oh please. 80% is really about the food you choose to consume. You give your body junk food, your body returns you junk. (but I still really love to eat 🍦🍰🍪🍟🍞🍔🍗)

Even though I wasn’t obsessed about being <50kg on the weighing scale, I still couldn’t fit into the dress.. until today when I took the courage to try wearing it again. My face shape is still naturally round, so no drastic jawline difference in the photos, but being able to wear the dress again is a confirmation that I am finally doing something right and I’m on track to my path of being back to the ‘normal me’ once again.

It’s been a struggle and people around me are sick of hearing me complaining about my fats. “You’re not fat la” “Everyone has fats wat”, I knowwwwww we need fats to survive, but inside I always dreamt of losing all that extra bulge just so I can fit my old clothes again. 🙏

Today, I feel like I’m ‘changed’ – all thanks to being able to fit into a dress. Thank you for reading a story about Amelia and her relationship with fats and old clothes. 🙆

weightconsciousgirl
Top row: Fat and fat.
Bottom row: 20 year old me (lol no braces even) & today.

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