The person you really need to marry

What I learned is how to sit by my own bedside, how to hold my own hand, how to nurse myself, and how to comfort myself. What I learned is that I am a person I can count on. When you marry yourself, it’s to have and hold yourself.

What does it mean to have and to hold?

You love yourself the way you want someone else to love you. I’ve always been going through life with this sense of lack. I felt like half a person.. like I was missing something. I went into relationships hoping to solve this feeling I had my entire life: that I wasn’t whole unless someone loved me. The truth was that I wasn’t ever going to feel whole until I learned to love myself.

So this business of marrying yourself transforms every area of your life: your business, your family, relationships, kids, social relationships, friends. Because when you marry yourself, this HUGE thing happens: you become able to love in a whole new way.

You become able to love other people right where they are, for who they are,  the same way you are already loving yourself. And this is what the world needs more of.

I started seeing it as my job to basically light up my little corner of the world. Because I realised I already had everything that I wanted.

When I take meetings, it’s all about “How can I help this person achieve her goal?”

About 30 mins into the date, I found myself paying attention not to whether he liked me, but how I felt in his presence. I noticed that I was light, happy, joking. As I reflected on the date afterwards, I was like “wow, I got really excited!” I’m not even on this date trying to get someone to like me.

I’m more interested in how I feel about me rather than how he feels about me, not because I’m selfish, but because the only relationship is the one I’m already having with myself – just going to have it with them now.

The thing is I’m not trying to get security from him through marriage, I’m only here to just be in a relationship. I’m not dying to hear the words “will you marry me?” Even though those words are very powerful, I don’t need to hear them from him, because I’ve already heard them from myself.

The way I see it is like I took myself to the top of a mountain, or maybe to the bottom of the ocean, and I got down on one knee and I said, “I’ll never leave you”. I’m married to the one person I’ll never leave: myself.

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